Today’s blogpost is inspired by one of the ‘Authentic Connections’ group members who recently asked me a similar question. It offered me an opportunity for reflection, and I wanted to share some of my thoughts and feelings with you.
When asked this question, I started to think about the process that I went through to build a nourishing and positive relationship with myself. I don’t claim to be perfect, and the great thing is that we can always deepen this relationship and we can always show ourselves more love. But in saying that, I have made massive shifts in this area, that have helped transform my life.
Like all solid connections, the relationship I have with myself has been built up over time, there have been what felt like ‘high’ and ‘low’ points, but these all formed key components of the journey, and I would like to share some personal reflections and helpful tips with you.
One crucial aspect of this journey, was simplifying my life and taking time to get to know myself. I cut back on time spent with others to increase the time I spent with myself. I stopped looking outside and started listening within. From this point I was able to question certain beliefs I held about myself and chip away at some of the social conditioning.
Being in a solid relationship with yourself means listening to yourself, knowing yourself, valuing yourself and loving yourself. The result of this for me, is that it means that I never feel alone because I am with myself. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy company, I do, very much so, but when I am on my own (through choice) I feel content and peaceful.
So how can we move towards this point?
Something I know from my own experience and working with others is that we are often our harshest critics! Why not take an audit of how you interact with yourself, you could monitor how you speak to yourself. Do you speak with words of kindness and love? Do you speak to yourself like you would a friend or an enemy?
I often say ‘be your own best friend’. Think about how you ‘get to know’ a new person in your life, maybe a potential friend or potential romantic interest. You are curious about them.. Maybe you ask them questions and take time to listen to their responses. This process makes us feel close and connected to that other person. Try going through this process with yourself! You could even take yourself on a date!
Taking time just for you is the perfect way to develop the relationship you have with self. A great way of getting to know yourself and connecting with yourself is journaling. Get curious! Ask yourself questions. How do I feel right now? What do I think? What do I enjoy doing? Who do I like? Who am I? Ask yourself anything you feel curious about, then write the response and let it flow. It may feel a bit weird to begin with, that’s OK, keep going. Whatever comes up treat it with curiosity rather than judgement.
Having a good relationship with yourself can also mean setting boundaries about how you let others treat you. It is important that we honour ourselves as much as we honour others. This includes not putting yourself at the bottom of the priority list e.g. not saying ‘yes’ all the time when you really want to say ‘no’.
Not sure how to say ‘no’? I can help you with that (send me a message)
As always I encourage you to use your innate critical thinking skills! Please never take everything I say as the ‘truth’. Read and then see which parts resonate most with you. My aim isn’t to give people answers, it’s to help people to empower themselves. I have a gift of being able to tease that out.
What do YOU think a good relationship with self looks and feels like?
Sending you love