I felt inspired to start writing this blogpost on the birthday of a self-proclaimed ‘sensitive man’ who holds a special place in my life and in my heart. I started to think about the many sensitive men I have been blessed to connect with throughout my life. These men can be found in my family, in my circle of friends and some of them have even been lovers. One male friend noticed the trend and even remarked ‘aye… Clare likes them a bit… a bit… a bit poofy’. Hardly PC, but this was over 15 years ago, and there is some truth in the essence of what he was attempting to communicate even if the phrasing could be construed as a tad offensive.
Sensitivity is something I both notice and appreciate in others, however this hasn’t always been the case. There were times I got it massively wrong, there were times I was dismissive of people’s feelings, there were times I took the piss and ridiculed others. And for that, I’m truly sorry.
But there was a reason for this, for you see, I did not have the capacity to appreciate the sensitivity in others because I did not appreciate my own sensitivity. In some ways I had disowned that part of myself. My sensitivity had brought me great pain and therefore I kept it locked away. Perhaps I resented those who had the audacity to express it. Now, I choose to live open heartedly, and although that means that my feelings are hurt more often, I feel more connected to my true nature and I also feel more free.
Recently the relationships I have with some of the men in my life have deepened and I have witnessed more of their sensitivity which got me thinking.
What is it that I adore about sensitive men?
There is great beauty within them, and my heart bursts open when I feel their compassion and their care. I can connect with them on an emotional level. I feel a closeness when they trust me enough to open up and express their feelings, or even to cry in front of me. In return they seem better equipped to support me whilst I am feeling emotional or at least are able to employ empathy more readily to me during these times.
I love the subtlety, that they can read between the lines and I don’t need to spell things out for them. I love when they notice the small changes in my mood and ask if I am OK. This makes me feel safer with them.
Perhaps I appreciate the more tender love they have to offer. Does sensitivity make them better lovers? In my experience, often it does, yes, but there’s something more than that.
I’ve realised what I love more than anything is the integration of all parts of themselves, some would call it their ‘feminine’ side. The fullness of their authentic self is expressed and they feel more ‘whole’ to me.
Through employing authentic communication I have discovered that all men are more sensitive under the surface once we get to know them and I have come to the conclusion that…
All men are more sensitive than society gives them permission to be.
We only need to look at the shockingly high male suicide rates to know that there is a problem with emotional repression. Things are changing, but not fast enough, so I asked myself how can I support men more?
Maybe I could create a safer environment for men to open up.
I have used my authentic voice to speak out in my own social circle, and on social media.
Through conversations I have challenged societal views by saying explicitly, ‘it’s OK for men to cry’, ’emotional repression is not healthy for anyone’ and ‘we should all talk more about our feelings’.
When men have trusted me enough to open up I have welcomed and praised their vulnerability and accepted them for who they are. I have tried to understand things from their perspective to show that I care. Something I noticed is that they often felt ‘wrong’ for the intense way that they felt the world. They had been shamed in some way for their sensitivity. Laughed at. Ridiculed. Society taught them that their sensitivity was ‘wrong’.
Sensitivity is the powerful ability to feel the world around you and within you.
Let’s start to frame sensitivity as a strength – IT FUCKING IS!
I feel lucky to have known so many beautiful sensitive men and I want to say THANK YOU, for you have touched my heart deeply.
I see you
I feel you
I love you
If you are blessed enough to have the sacred gift of sensitivity please keep shining your authentic light. The world needs to feel your warmth.